Tag: parenting

One of my earliest memories is of the thought of my own mortality. The pink tiles in the upstairs bathroom, glistening from the steam of the bath, breathing in the hot air, feeling the warm water on my skin. Then goosebumps rising quickly as I’m lifted from the water and covered in a towel. Patted down and dried then left to stand in front of the bar heater. Its searing coils radiating warmth through the room. Then the thoughts. What will happen to me when I die. Will I remember being me? Will I continue in some way forever or will I simply cease to be?

Someone must have said something to me, one of my pragmatic, matter of fact parents. ‘You’ll live, then you’ll die. You’ll grow old first, so don’t worry.’ They were brought up by parents ensconced in faith. My grandparents may or may not have believed in the faith they were raised in, but tradition held great sway in their lives. It structured their activities, with a sense of obligation, community and natural compassion that was beyond faith. They truly cared for people and that is what drove them. My parents abandoned the religion and the tradition, but not the compassion. They favoured logic and rational thought which also gave rise to a fundamental respect for others.

So, when my 3-year-old self, asked about death I was told about death. I wasn’t pampered into thinking there was some kind of paradise waiting for me beyond this life and neither was I told that if I was bad I would spend an eternity being tortured in a fiery pit. Nevertheless, those ideas crept into my worldview by nature of the broader culture I grew up in, through TV, movies, school and my friendships with people from different backgrounds.

Fear sits at the heart of ignorance. When you are young, and you don’t know any better it’s easy to be scared of what you don’t know. For some, faith assuages fear and for others, it inflames it. Despite my parents’ pragmatism, I felt fearful of what I did not know. And rather than scaring me into belief, ideas of purgatory ultimately inflamed my sense of injustice. Armed with rational thought I gained the confidence to not fear unknowns outside my own experience. Rational thinking instilled by my parents told me that no one really knows anything. They only profess to know. They may declare their theory as fact, with heartfelt conviction, but uncertainty lies at the heart of all supposition.

Uncertainty might create fear for some but it helps me define what is truly important. Faith may be a driver of good deeds and bring fulfilment to many, but rational thought can also lead an individual to realise fundamental truths. For me, compassion is at the core of my outlook and my decision making. Doing no harm is logical to me. I can see it’s derived from a moment in my past where I knew nothing, where all I felt was the warmth of the room around me and the love of my parents. Enveloped in a snug towel, after a warm bath, I’m not entirely sure why my young mind leapt to the idea of mortality. Perhaps because it was such a beautiful moment and I didn’t want it to end and at some level sensed how transient and therefore how very precious it was.

Evan Shapiro
Author – Road to Nowhere

A rare evening out with friends recently was interrupted by a request for UberDad services. I explained to my rarely seen friends how the high-tech system works. Teen offspring sends a text to book UberDad to drive teen offspring to a movie. UberDad interrupts rare night out with friends to collect teen offspring and friend. UberDad reminds teen offspring of the essentials; shoes, jacket, keys, wallet, phone. UberDad then delivers teen offspring and friend to cinema and hands over money for movie tickets + cash for the candy bar. For some reason, it costs more to produce a box of popcorn and a wax cup full of soft drink than it does to make a Hollywood blockbuster. It’s also highly likely the teen staff members manning the cinema candy bar and box office have been delivered to work via their UberParents.

Teen offspring and friend watch the movie while I return to hang out with my friends and wait for the inevitable text, booking me for the ride home. Unlike other parts of the share economy, UberParenting is a one-way sharing experience that costs the driver at various points in the journey. Price surging can occur at any stage and drivers should be particularly careful of teen offspring’s destinations as they can directly affect the contents of an UberParents wallet.

Driving teen offspring safely from experience to experience is not unlike other aspects of parenting. What we give and what we get back is not measured in dollars. Teen offspring with UberParents are probably lucky we love ‘em. An understanding some teen offspring may well grasp, but it’s much more likely to be something they won’t appreciate until they are literally in the driver’s seat, delivering their own loved ones from place to place. That’s unconditional parental love for you – it’s a seed you plant for a flower you may never see bloom – regardless you must plant it.

* Disclaimer – The author has no association with Uber but does have a long history as a parent taxi. Driving services are limited to family and close friends and as indicated in the story are provided for no financial gain and may actually incur a financial loss. Karma is perhaps a more appropriate measure of these actions, however, humility prevents the author from clarifying further on this point.

Evan Shapiro
Author – Road To Nowhere

Have you ever taken kids to a café, restaurant or pretty much anywhere that has required them to wait for something? I recently took my daughter, son and nephew out for breakfast as a school holiday treat. They wanted Belgian waffles from their favourite café.

 

It was a little busy when we arrived, however we were seated quickly and ordered. It didn’t take long for the inevitable questions to start. ‘How long will our waffles take?’ my son asked. Like most children mine have developed a strange but understandable assumption that I know everything, that I am somehow tapped into a deeper understanding of the space time continuum in a way that they are not yet able to access. To them it must seem like I have my own internal WiFi connection and I’m not sharing the password. This connection, they assume, allows me to answer questions that are otherwise impossible to answer. In this case I clearly have no way of knowing how long the waffles will be. I’m not working in the kitchen, I’m not employed by the café, I don’t know how many orders are before us, I don’t know how long it actually takes to plate up the waffles and carry them out to our table. But of course they think I should know.

 

It’s at these moments I see I have a clear choice. I can 1) get annoyed and be cranky or 2) I can make them think. If I’m doing my job as a parent correctly, then I should always choose to make them think.

 

‘I don’t know,’ I reply. ‘Do you have a stop watch on your phone?’ I ask.

 

‘Yes,’ my son replies.

 

‘Then start it now and when the waffles arrive you will know how long it takes.’

 

My daughter at least is amused and starts her stop watch. My nephew smiles with an expression of understanding that I’ve said something that makes sense but frustration that it doesn’t answer his question and my son rolls his eyes but starts his stop watch anyway.

 

I relax as my coffee arrives and we all wait expectantly for the waffles. Occasionally they glance at their stop watches but they don’t ask me again how long it will take now they are in charge of measuring the reality. We are free to discuss other topics and I begin to wonder if this is a one-time winner for me or if I can add it to my parental war chest for future use. Only time, measured on a stop watch, will tell.

 

Evan Shapiro

Author - Road To Nowhere